14 Ideas to Bless Your Marriage in February

February is always a rosy month of winter in my life, since it is filled with festivity in our home. My husband and I both have birthdays, and we have a number of friends who also share the birth month with us. There is always the hope of a light snow in Central Texas in February, since it happened two years in a row. And then there is Valentine's day to celebrate, too.  Yup. There's no doubt about it. I love February!

After a very difficult and tiring bedtime routine, I was rocking our two year old back to sleep and took the opportunity to pray about what I could be sharing this week. A moment later, my husband brought me a cup of homemade amaretto cocoa since he knew I'd be staying up late to write (I know, right??!!)  and then my heart heard its answer. February is a month that celebrates marriage in a special way. In the same manner in which I prepare myself during Advent and Lent to anticipate a joyful celebration, why not do the same for World Marriage Day, with daily reminders to lift up this holy vocation.

 It can be challenging for us, nearly 10 years into our marriage, to demonstrate love for each other as we did when we were first married. Deep in the trenches of parenthood, we feel drained and harried during the day, and at night we get pulled into our different interests. Often these days, love takes the form of letting someone sleep in or making their favorite meal, or folding the laundry together while watching "Dr. Who" on Netflix.  We all need reminders to tune up our marriages, and we are no exception! :)

 Here are 14 ideas to bless our marriages in the month of February.

 1) Ask these 5 questions every week. Allow the quieter person to initiate the conversations. My husband and I have been doing this for a few months and we  really look forward to it (and he appreciates getting air time!)

 2) Trade roles for one day. Maybe the husband can prepare dinner one evening while the wife takes the kids for a walk around the block.

 3) Make eye contact. Hug and kiss in front of the children. Be positive. Meditate on the way God has loved your spouse since the moment they were born.

  4) Unplug your devices. Put away phones, close the laptop, keep the t.v. off.  Light candles and put on your favorite music instead.  The Jack Johnson station on pandora is a fave in our home.

 5) Love letters! Decorate an extra shoe box alongside the kids for special Valentines for JUST you and your spouse. Write words of affirmation and be specific about what you love about your spouse.

 6) Pray for each other. Ask each other for prayer intentions and then pray for those intentions together.

 7) Date night! If you don't want to brave the crowds on Valentine's day, then have one earlier or later in the month, but get out of the house and do something together, it doesn't have to be extravagant to be special. Take turns planning future date nights by buying tickets in advance or saving money in designated envelopes. Commit to making one envelope for every month of the year.  Line up a sitter so you have extra accountability! :)

 8) Praise each other in front of friends and family.

 9) Let the early bird sleep in and bring them breakfast.

 10) Read Pope Benedict's first encyclical "Deus Caritas Est" together, and refresh your memory on the Catholic history of Valentine's Day.

 11) Attend a marriage vow renewal Mass or celebrate World Marriage Day with friends whose marriages inspire yours.

 12) Make a top ten list of your favorite romantic movies, and see how many you can watch during the month. Let the less opinionated movie-watcher have the input! Here's my list if you're interested!

 13) Be silly. Have a pillow fight, a food fight, a dance party. Swing on the swings at the park, jump on the trampoline, with and without the kids.

 14) Take some quizzes on the For Your Marriage website and browse through the many great ideas and resources to strengthen your bond with your spouse!

 ‘'How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in home, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice … Nothing divides them either in flesh or in spirit … They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they visit God’s church and partake of God’s banquet; side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another; they never shun each other’s company; they never bring sorrow to each other’s hearts … Seeing this, Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present.’' - Tertullian 

Godparenthood

I have been contemplating the unique role of godparents this month, since my husband and I began the new year by celebrating the baptismal date of our sweet goddaughter with a family dinner. We lit her baptismal candle for a song and prayer with her family, and she opened a gift from us with dessert. The evening was treated as a spiritual birthday party and it was absolutely perfect.

We have waffled in the past about which traditions we would like to create and continue. We felt so glad to find one which fit so beautifully for the early years. Unfortunately for us, our other godchildren live out of state. So we are giving some serious thought to what we can do which would have the most lasting significance, as the children are growing.

My own godmother lives in India, and we wrote to each other when I was young. I would marvel at her letters written on parchment paper sent in crinkly blue envelopes with foreign stamps. She came to my First Holy Communion, and my wedding, and she always remembered me in prayer, with lovely gifts, and gave me the best advice. She has been like a spiritual mother to me all throughout my life.

I did a little reading about the origin of godparents in our early Church history. As I understand it, the tradition first began during the rule of the Roman Empire when the Church was being persecuted. The sacraments of initiation were all performed together, and it was critical to appoint a guardian for each Christian child in the event that the parents were martyred. The role of the godparent sponsor was not only to make the profession of faith on behalf of the infant, as well as to promise to instruct that child in the faith if his parents had failed in their duty to do so…but also to pledge to assist them in preparing for the remaining sacraments and helping them to live out their call to the Christian life.

The Arnolfini Portrait, by Jan van Eyck 1434

So much more than a warm and fuzzy title, this is a spiritual parenthood we are taking on. Just like with most roles and positions in our faith, the higher the honor, the more true servanthood it requires. This is clearly about so much more than having people bow to kiss your hand every time they see you (no disrespect to the Godfather Trilogy, of course).

I spoke with some women in the Catholic community of Bryan/College Station and asked for some of their experiences. For Stephanie Arnold, having godparents was truly a way for her to experience the faithful love of God. She grew up in a family which she felt let her down in many ways, and her godmother was always there in her moments of need. “I chose my patron saint after her, St. Joan of Arc,” Stephanie says.  ”And their children have become my children’s godparents now. They come from out of town to every single celebration for our kids, and whenever they are with all of our kids, they pray a rosary together.”

Jessica Gerngross is blessed to be part of a big family and shares several godchildren of varying ages with her husband. “With our teenaged godchildren, we usually send them for example a Matthew Kelly book, or media like the Matt Mahr cd or a movie like The Nativity Story. We also send Kerusso shirts.” Another treasured family tradition is to send godchildren a Fontanini figurine to add to their own nativity scene when they begin their own home. “Also, we try to stay current with our godchildren by sending them texts and emails, and we try to send to them good articles that we’ve read,” Gerngross says.

For convert Terri Duhon, living in a Catholic community is helping her to establish the Catholic roots she so desires for her children. She says of her eldest daughter’s godmother “she marks her baptism birthday every year and shares memories and pictures of the day. My daughter looks forward to hearing the story of her baptism.”

We will all come from different backgrounds in our Catholic heritage, some of us will be richly blessed by years of tradition, and others will feel as if they are starting from scratch. But as parents and godparents we must try to get the most important thing right, we must remember to walk the extra mile to make a spiritual investment in the lives of our godchildren. It may come in the form of money on special days, or treasured books or keepsakes. Maybe it is letter writing or becoming a source of constant prayer and making it known. Whatever it may be, it is sure to make a difference when that difference is needed most!

“Then, too, from the day when we first heard it, we have not ceased praying for you and requesting that you be filled with the knowledge of his will, with all wisdom and spiritual understanding, so that you may walk in a manner worthy of God, being pleasing in all things, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened in every virtue, in accord with the power of his glory, with all patience and long suffering, with joy, giving thanks to God the Father, who has made us worthy to have a share in the portion of the saints, in the light.”  Colossians 1:10

Any traditions or memories you can share with us here? Please do!

25 Ideas to Pray as a Family in the New Year

                             

                                                     

Despite what some feared might be our last few days on earth on the twenty-first of December, our Lord has given us the gift of a fresh, new year of life, and all around us people are forming resolutions for self improvement.

I myself have a modest list of resolutions this year, and at the very top is "more family prayer." Going through the seasons of the liturgical year as an adult has taught me a few things, and one of the more practical lessons that has remained with me has been how to set spiritual goals which are realistic and specific. It's not that I don't have a million things I should improve, but more that I realize I need to tackle the ones that matter the most, first.

I find that I can be very impatient with myself.  It seems as though where prayer is concerned, some people are scaling mountains and slaying dragons while I feel like I keep lighting a small candle that the wind blows out several times a day.  It's good to keep in mind that as we seek to grow closer to Jesus and the promises of heaven that we remember that there is no finish line in the pursuit of holiness. Everyone will be going at a different pace, and the path will not always be in an upward linear fashion. There is a lifetime to reach our goals and to discover the rich treasures which our Faith gives to us. We must not be afraid to make mistakes,  bounce back from set-backs and reflect on what we feel have been failures. These are all parts of our spiritual growth and journey. The important part is not giving up!

In my searchings, I came across this article written by a Catholic author named Paul Thigpen in 1995. I found his suggestions for family prayer to be very wise and thorough, and I asked him for permission to share them. If you too are looking for inspired ways to pray with your family, do not wait for the perfect "thing"to happen, or worry about what another family is doing that isn't working for you. Just start with something small that fits with your family, and see where it leads. God will bless and multiply your efforts!

25 Ways to Pray as a Family
1. Find a regular time for daily family prayer that fits everyone's schedule, then make it a priority. A thousand distractions will try to keep you from establishing this discipline in your home, but persevere. No matter how much you pray alone, your family needs to pray together as well.

Try setting aside ten minutes a day at first. Once you've formed the habit, you can expand the time without much difficulty. The important thing is to get started and stick with it.

2. Teach your kids the basic elements of prayer. Making requests is only one aspect of talking to God. To remember the other important elements, think of the letters of the word "ACTS":

• A is for Adoration: praising God for who He is.
• C is for Confession: admitting to God our sins and telling Him we're sorry.
• T is for Thanksgiving: recalling all that God has done for us.
• S is for Supplication: making requests, both for others (intercession) and ourselves (petition).

Not every prayer needs to have all these elements. But taken as a whole, our prayer times should reflect a balance of them.

3. Join family prayers to the Scripture. Pray a psalm responsively as you do in church. Read together from the Scripture lessons designated for the day and let the words shape your thoughts in prayer.

4. When you pray together, combine spontaneous prayer with fixed forms of prayer such as the Our Father, the Hail Mary and the Glory Be. Both kinds of prayer are important: Fixed forms help us find the right words, remind us of concerns we might otherwise have forgotten, and relieve us of the burden of trying to make every prayer new and different. Spontaneous prayer, on the other hand, allows us the flexibility to tailor our prayer to the needs of the moment and keeps us aware that we're having a conversation with a living Person.

5. Make song a part of family prayer. Music can lift our hearts to God and allow us to express our feelings in ways the mere spoken word can't even touch. Sing praise songs throughout the day. If no one in your home is musically gifted, don't worry--as one old Bible translation puts it, just "make a joyful noise unto the Lord!" (Psalm 66:1 KJV).

6. Tell your children that prayer is a two-way conversation. We should spend some time listening to God as well as talking to Him. Sometimes after a few minutes of silence in His presence, we can hear in our minds His words of comfort, discipline or direction, or we can simply feel His love and concern.

7. Teach your kids that prayer is a discipline and a privilege. So much in our culture leads them to assume that to be worthwhile an activity must feel good and be entertaining. Let them know that even though prayer is often a pleasure, it is also work. We pray, not for fun, but because it's the right thing to do.

8. Divide up intercessory responsibilities when you pray together as a family. Make sure each person has at least one concern to focus on, then take turns leading in prayer.

9. Any time family members have a concern they want others to bring to God, have them add it to a family prayer list on the refrigerator door. Then pray through the list during family prayer times.

10. Take on a prayer project with your kids. Discover a need someone has that only God can fill, then commit yourselves to interceding for the situation until you see an answer.

11. Encourage your children to start a prayer journal, perhaps in the form of letters to God. Writing down their conversations with the Lord can help them clarify their thoughts. Later they'll profit from reading over what they wrote in light of later events.

12. Keep a "thanksgiving book" of your family's answered prayers. Review it whenever you need to stir up your faith in God's provision. Swap stories of answered prayer with other families.

13. Pray together for people and situations in the news, especially government leaders and victims of war or natural disaster.

14. Build a family habit of taking problems to God as soon as they arise. Make prayer your first response to a challenge, not your last resort.

15. Pray about the small things together. Whatever concerns your children concerns the Lord. Be specific and concrete in your prayer requests.

16. Pray your family table grace in public places without embarrassment or apology. Show your kids you're not afraid to let strangers see your faith.

17. Be on the lookout for the "prayable moment." Maybe you and your teen have just watched the sunrise at the beach, and you feel close to God just now. Perhaps a favorite pet just died and your preschooler needs the Lord's comfort. Some occasions naturally invite us to pause a few minutes and talk with God.

18. Make basic, perennial concerns permanent items on your family prayer list,such as the Church, the poor, the sick, and the government. Honor the Holy Father's request that children everywhere pray for world peace.

19. When your family receives a bit of good news -- the announcement of a new job, the birth of a nephew, top grades on a report card -- celebrate together bypraising God on the spot. Give the Lord a round of applause, a rousing cheer, or anything else that says to Him, "Thank you!"

20. Help your children practice daily self-examination in prayer. Bedtime is the traditional time for a brief review of the day, with thanksgiving for God's favors and confession of our failures.

21. Discuss the meaning of the words in the prayers of the Mass so your kids will understand what they're saying in Church.

22. Pray the rosary and an occasional novena as a family. Talk to your children about how the words of repetitive prayers can press themselves deep into our hearts and free our minds to meditate on the mysteries of faith.

23. Teach your children about the saints and how God has granted us the great favor of their intercession. Join your family in asking them to pray for you.

24. Tell your children about their guardian angel and teach them to ask his protection daily. Read to them what the Catechism of the Catholic Church has to say about the role of angels in our lives (see sections 328-336).

25. Finally, remember that the best way to teach prayer is to model it to your children. Make prayer a way of life. If your family sees that you and God have frequent, intimate conversations, they'll be more likely to want to build their own friendship with Him.

Wishing you and yours a very happy and blessed new year, and may you prosper with God's blessings in all you seek to do!

The little things can become the big things

                 

We can all probably recall a time when we first noticed an ant trail marching back to its colony. And perhaps how we fought the temptation to stomp on a few, just to see what would happen.  It is human nature to ponder the frailty of life, and also how it can persist against all odds.

It was one such moment like this that I taught our eldest son his first lesson on respecting life. We were walking with friends and we happened across a preying mantis. After much oohing and ahhing and picture -taking, no one realized that my toddler was about to stomp on the unsuspecting preying mantis.  We didn't catch him in time and he did stomp on the bug. Fortunately it scuttled off looking no worse for the wear.  No bugs were harmed in the making of this story. But the incident presented a teachable moment. We talked about how we would never hurt something unless we were trying to keep ourselves safe (or hunt, for those who do). Now as our young sons begin to practice martial arts, that's a lesson that is repeated in many different ways each day in our home and in our conversations.

The little things can become the big things.

As our children grow, the issues we face as a family are changing. We still talk about being nice to bugs, but the respect for life mentality has developed into discussions of how to treat people who are different from us at school, to why we seek to buy goods and services that support fair trade practices. Our children are not yet at an age where we discuss current news events, and issues such as abortion, euthanasia, capital punishment and embryonic stem cell research, but we know the time will come. We also know that we have no guarantees that our children will always make the wisest choices, but we know our duty is to equip them to do their very best.

As parents we are our children's first and most important teachers. What we underscore in our homes, they will carry with them in their hearts. It is never too late to step in as a parent to initiate these discussions. The Advent challenge I post for us all today is to discuss one of these topics with our children today, or to choose a family activity which especially inspires a culture of life.

Challenges:

- Create an album of ultrasound pictures from your pregnancies, or take out your children's baby books while they are still young and impress upon them how sacred their own life is and how much they are loved.

- Life is a gift from God to be cherished. Let our children hear us give praise to those who work each day to protect, defend and improve life for others.

-Remind our children that their bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit.

- Teach our kids that every person has value and God-given dignity, regardless of how people appear or what they do. We are all made in God's image.

- Show respect to the elderly, encourage children to care for the elderly members of your family in small ways.

-Ask your child to have the courage to reach out to a student that seems lonely, or picked on, and show kindness.

- Be mindful as a parent and monitor inappropriate and violent media. Listen to your instincts and act on them.

- Collect baby items or clothes to deliver to a ministry for unwed mothers/pregnancy outreach center.

- Visit an animal shelter and help feed the animals or take them for walks.

Let us pray that as a nation, we can encourage each other to work together to form children who are sensitive to life at all stages. And may we never doubt that our words and actions, as parents and teachers, have the most profound impact on our children.

“The new evangelization calls for followers of Christ who are unconditionally prolife: who will acclaim, celebrate and serve the Gospel of life in every situation.  A sign of hope is the increasing recognition that the dignity of human life must never be taken away, even in the case of someone who has done great evil.” 

Pope John Paul II

Thinking outside of the "gift box" at Christmas

The other day, I was kindly asked what my children would like for Christmas. So, I surveyed their bedrooms, looked through their toy bins and took stock of their clothes and shoes. But I came up totally empty.

My husband is an unabashed geek and being technologically savvy is the bread and butter of our existence, but we try to keep our kids as unplugged as possible.  So they don't have hand held devices or even the Wii, and the little screen time they are permitted is more than slightly policed.  Scratch out video games, for the time being anyway. 

Feeling a bit lost, I sat down with a catalog that came in the mail, and tried to narrow down a few things. But I couldn't run away from the vision of the lego debris all over the floor (that never seems to subside in our house), and the matchbox cars that I find under the piano and in my purse on any given day, and the stacks of old board games which no one seems to have the time to play.  Stacks + Piles + Debris = dusty garage sale items. Eeek. Scratch that.

Then I began thinking along the lines of practical things, like fishing gear, a tool box, a telescope or an archery set. But those require time to acquire a certain skill, time which is hard to find at this stage of our parenthood. 

The only thing that makes sense to me is books, since we love to read with our children and reading is my favorite way to spend time with them. If I had to ask for anything, books are the clear winner (cue the confetti!)

But stuff? No, we don't need any more stuff.  Recently we were generously given  by family some great new board games, puzzles and a few fantastic movies. I will wrap those up, with some new shoes that I bought for the boys.  My hubby is launching some secret backyard project, and maybe this will be the year we will get that bike trailer so we can take family bike rides. And we will all be giddy about that!

We are a country of blessed abundance, but that can turn into a culture which makes us feel like we are depriving our children, and ourselves, if we are not showered with gifts at Christmas. It is way too easy to get caught up in the commercialism of giving store-bought presents instead of adoring Christ’s holy presence. It can turn into a fanatical frenzy of trying to find the “perfect thing” for everyone, when really the “perfect thing” is simply to spend time as a family worshipping our Lord and sharing loving acts of service with our community.

In the spirit of St. Nicholas' generosity on his feast day today, why not challenge our families to do something a little different this year.  Children are hungry for meaningful experiences, and really benefit from family growth opportunities. These are lessons that might shape their future careers and families.  Here are some ideas of how we can think outside of the box with gifts we can bring to Jesus and to each other this year. 

Gifts of Service

• Buy gifts for needy children through the Angel Tree project at the parish. You can also volunteer to help wrap those gifts as a family, or deliver them to homes.
• Visit a hospital, or the elderly at a nursing home as a family or offer to serve a meal at the nursing home close to your home or a soup kitchen. Our family sings Christmas carols at our local nursing home, and it’s a beautiful way to share the love of Christ on His birthday.  Many are lonely and without family on Christmas Day.
• Sign up to deliver Christmas dinner to the needy, or have your children help you stuff grocery bags to deliver to a nearby food bank.

Gifts of Worship and Prayer

• Attend the Christmas cantata or concert at your parish as a family, they are usually free!
• Share an extra adoration hour as a family
• Visit a “living nativity scene” and bring some neighbors or friends along to witness the true miracle of Christmas. This is a very special experience for young children!
• Read the Magnificat as a family and write about your reflections, take turns faith sharing with your friends or family.
• Attend the Advent penance service as a family
• Sing Christmas Carols in your neighborhood.  Talk to a few neighbors ahead of time so they know to have egg nog and cookies for you, or at the very least go out of town ;)

If you’d like to do spend your money in a way which can bless a family or community, there are numerous non-profit organizations which devote themselves to breaking the cycle of poverty in underdeveloped nations in very innovative and effective ways. These are a few of my favorite organizations. You will be amazed what a few simple U.S. dollars can do for a family across the world.

Gifts that give twice.

• Work of Human Hands Sale sponsored by Catholic Relief Services– Purchase Christmas beautiful handcrafted gifts by artisans from impoverished nations. The money you spend goes directly to the person who made your gifts! Also, you can even set a sale up in your own parish! Visit www.greatergift.org website.
• Heifer Ranch International – End world hunger by buying a chicken, or a rabbit, a tree or a cow for a whole village to share. For just a few dollars, you could help feed a whole community of people, who will then be able to save their wages to send their children to grade school and eventually college. http://www.heifer.org/
• Christian Foundation for Children and Aging - Catholic organization for sponsoring children  and the elderly http://www.cfcausa.org/
• Make a donation to Catholic Relief Services  to help bring aid to people facing true crisis, here in the States and across the world, such as those still recovering from the effects of Hurricane Sandy. (www.crs.org)

Peace be with us all at the beginning of this Advent season. As we prepare our hearts to enter the mystery, let us all be inspired to believe that our prayers and our actions can make small miracles happen that may ripple throughout the world at Christmas, and continue in the New Year. Let us give ourselves permission to quietly step back from the frenzy, and invite others to follow us, because we have something far more important to be doing.

Let us look to the manger for the greatest gift of all and remember what He asks of us. Love, and more love. 

And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.  ~ John 1:14

Perfectly Imperfect

                                 

Pinterest is a dream come true for the aspiring perfectionist. If you have not encountered pinterest yet, it is a virtual and endless pin board where people can post and save photos of projects and ideas. (Be prepared to stay up until 4 am creating your pin boards, by the way). I was browsing the other day looking for homemade gift ideas, and found myself gleefully in the midst of tips for creating the perfect indoor garden and how to tie my scarf into an artfully fool-proof knot. Life is so beautiful on pinterest, picture-perfectly within our reach. I started to click on “how to make a pine cone garland” and was distracted by a pin which simply stated “I will hold myself to a standard of grace, not perfection.” I’m not sure if the author of this quote intended this to have a religious interpretation, but I received the message in the light of faith.

Over the past few days, I have been thinking about how deeply this simple message applies to every area of my life. As we approach the Advent season, there is so much pressure to have everything tied up nicely with a bow, and on time. But not from our Savior. He does not ask us to be perfect in order to be worthy of His love. In fact, the bible even reminds us that we should delight in our imperfections because they point to our need for a Savior.

If it’s not pinterest, then it’s the parenting article that makes us wonder if we’re loving our children enough. Or the well-meaning friend who tells us about the amazing way they organize family photos that makes us feel like crying. Maybe it’s the family member who reminds us that we’re never going to lose weight if we eat two slices of pie instead of one. If we look for it, the message of “I just can’t be perfect” is everywhere.

But there is a message of love and acceptance that is also everywhere, if we choose to look for it. So simple that is is overlooked so often. Just the way a precious baby might go unnoticed, sleeping sweetly in a manger. We are loved as we are, just as we have been created. Our Savior does not ask us to be prove ourselves worthy to be loved. The world does.

I must clarify that I happen to be pinterest’s number one fan. I have always been a creative person inspired by the creativity of others, but I lack organizational skills which pinterest makes possible. I think pinterest is a wonderful tool and resource. But just like other forms of technology in our society today, I think it can leave people with the feeling of just not being able to do enough, or be enough. But let us be Christians who try to hold ourselves to a standard of grace and not perfection in the days leading up to Christmas. Let us let the world see the peace inside of us which Jesus gives to us, and the gift of love He wishes us to share with the world. Let us be patient with ourselves in moments of imperfection, and strive for the humility that reminds us that needing God makes us not weak, but strong.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell within me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. “ ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Keeping the airwaves clear

I agonized (in the midst of fervent praying) for several years about the school decision for our children. As a mother, I know I am not unique in that.  We discerned many options for our eldest, ranging from Montessori school to Catholic school to half-day school and even homeschooling. After a great deal of information gathering and speaking with many families,  we decided upon our neighborhood's public school. We have been blessed with amazing educators and great opportunities for our son there, but of course no situation is perfect and we worry sometimes about influences. Things could always be subject to change, and naturally children within the same family can have different needs. But for now, we feel like we are where we need to be, for a number of very good reasons.

I try not to cross-examine my children, but when they come home from school, I am like a pot boiling over with the need to know what is going on in their minds.  Granted, "middle son" is four years old and in preschool, so he's usually contemplating the nature of puppies and pondering the curious shapes of clouds. But "eldest son" is in second grade and quickly approaching the age of reason. He is making connections and observations and asking questions all the time.

The other day he was coloring with his middle brother and he said something that caught my attention. For a moment, I thought he said something off color. In our house, words like "idiot" and "stupid" are outlawed, and people who are caught making flatulent sounds at the dinner table are handed bathroom cleaning supplies and sentenced to scrub the potty, so it doesn't take much to ruffle my feathers. I listened again closely and heard him repeat the phrase which turned out to be completely innocuous. And overcome with relief, I squashed him with a hug and a kiss and said "you are just such a sweet boy!" Yes, he thinks I'm nuts. No, he's not off base.

Our children are sheltered at home and we try to protect their innocence as much as we can. When I first became a mother, I perceived the realities of the world like a poison which our children would have to build immunity to, day by day, so that one day they could take it on without flinching. I still feel this way.  It's not that I view the world as the big, bad wolf all the time... on the contrary, I feel that God reveals Himself to us in ordinary situations with His extraordinary ways. So many times we will feel the impact of our decision to send our son to public school, when we hear from other kids how glad they are to know a friend like him and a family like ours.

But as boys, my sons don't communicate with me much. I'll hear a brief anecdote about a favorite assignment, or maybe how someone else had a hard day. But that's about it. When I was a child, I could narrate the setting, mood, and events of the day right down to the smells and sounds - not that anybody had time to listen - but I could do it.  With boys, I'm doing well to hear "I need bactine on this scrape," or "where are my favorite socks" or most famously "what's for dinner?"  This is difficult for me, as I am an over-communicator and an over-analyzer and a recovering helicopter mother.  (And no, I didn't send my child to school with a camera implanted in his shoe but I did give it serious thought).

I try not to waylay my children with my neurotic behaviors, because I studied enough of Psychology to know why that's not good for them. Basically, parents are going to do something wrong no matter what. (But it's all good and so is God!)  So I try to be subtle....putting clothes away while they are building lego battleships, or sitting outside and reading a book while they are digging tunnels in the backyard.  As my mentor told me, "just make yourself available, and things will bubble up to the surface when they need to."  Another friend said "start by telling your child something that happened to you that day, and how you felt about it. See where the conversation goes from there." My sage father refers to this as "opening up a channel" in communication. It still baffles me that communication doesn't always mean talking. It means listening and keeping the airwaves clear.

My grandmother, who recently passed away at 92 years old, used to tell her children to "just let it all out" when they would come home from school in a bad mood. She'd let them cry, or stomp, or react however they needed to when they just couldn't articulate their feelings. I don't always know what our children come across each day, or even how they impact others. But I do know that our goal as parents is to provide a safe haven for them, where they have the freedom to feel and process things. We don't want to send the message that the world is "bad" or that anything they are grappling with is "too big" for us to handle. We want them to understand this world so that they can help make a difference in this world. And we want to extend the love in our home to the people we can reach.

It doesn't mean it isn't scary, because of course it can be. As I watch our eldest son maturing, I realize it's not that he needs me less, but that he needs me in different ways. As he presents himself to the world, we can see how he is embodying the values we have been striving for since he was so small, and it makes us beam with pride. This doesn't keep me from reminding him regularly "you know, you can always homeschool, if ever it becomes the best thing for you, we're always ready."  He squints at me as if I'm teasing him, and seems to consider it for a moment. He can read between the lines.  I know that he understands that we'll be there for him and his brothers, that we're always open to what is best for them, no matter what.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9